Boundaries. Something so simple, but something so complex. For many people, having boundaries is a common theme, but it can be extremely difficult to not only decide on boundaries but to implement boundaries that are effective and healthy. Boundaries are necessary in every aspect of our lives, from having an adequate work life balance and setting non negotiables in familial relationships, platonic relationships and intimate partner relationships. Boundaries are necessary for us to feel respected, valued and safe in our relationships and working spaces.These aspects are important and vital to our everyday functioning, but one of the most important boundary relationships is the boundary relationship that you have with yourself. Setting boundaries is how we as individuals honor ourselves, our feelings, goals and needs.
Having healthy boundaries is self care. Having healthy boundaries is self love.
When we don’t have adequate boundaries (or when our boundaries aren’t respected) it may leave feelings of anxiety, burn out, depression, powerlessness and resentment. For a lot of people, it can be a traumatic game of “cat and mouse” to try to enforce boundaries that are repeatedly ignored or rejected.
A simple boundary can be, not responding to work calls or emails when you are not in the office or saying “no” to the things that you do not want to do.
When to set boundaries
When you find that you’re constantly saying “yes” to things that you don't want to do or things that interfere with your plans or happiness
When you feel that you don’t have a good work life balance and/or can't separate your work life from your personal life
When you feel taken advantage of by others, whether it’s physically, emotionally, financially, etc.
When you become passive on your needs because of how you prioritize other people’s needs and feelings over yours due to fear of how they might react
When you do things that are physically or emotionally harmful to other people
Your boundaries will look different in every relationship and may change as your needs change. It’s important to evaluate and assess what your needs are and what makes you feel comfortable and valued. With this, think about ways that you can communicate your boundaries, set them and stay firm on them. Setting boundaries and enforcing them can be uncomfortable for you and the individual that you are setting them for and trigger some uncomfortable feelings, but remember that your boundaries don't always need to be over analyzed and over explained to other people. Other people may not see eye to eye with you and your boundaries (especially if having healthy boundaries is new territory for the both of you), and that’s okay, but it is your duty to yourself to stand by them.
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